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My Number One best selling book ‘Please Daddy No’ revealed the trauma and experiences of an abused and neglected childhood. Having survived the terrible abuse at the hands of my stepfather, I had to reach within myself again to live through the degradation of prison and the further atrocities suffered at the hands of some of the prison guards.

“see you when you come back Howarth”

I was released back into the world without any support or counselling from the authorities without so much as an ‘after care plan’. The last words from the guard as I left prison that day were ‘see you when you come back Howarth’. What chance did I have?

Escaped into the world of recreational drugs and alcohol

The child abuse and numerous court cases had almost destroyed me, and in an attempt to self medicate I escaped most weekends into the world of recreational drugs and alcohol. I was too afraid to tell the doctors for fear of recrimination. I then returned home broken and twisted, to Tracey, the woman who had stood by me throughout my ordeal, never once turning her back on me. She often held me into the early hours as I cried, but was powerless to stop the unimaginable pain and guilt I was suffering.

My life spiralling out of control

With my life spiralling out of control, I attempted suicide a number of times, to try to escape the pain of the past and the last attempt left doctors incredulous that I survived.

With nowhere left to turn I begged and pleaded for help, eager to escape the flashbacks, nightmares and terrors that visited me daily. Like a small boy lost, I simply wanted to live like other human beings and be allowed some peace and serenity.

Time to fight the demons and rebuild my life

Just when all seemed hopeless I was sent to a hospital in the Scottish highlands to fight the demons that assailed me and to try to rebuild my life.

“This is my story of the fight to be my own man and ‘to give and feel love that other people take for granted’. “

I was shocked and astounded at some of the suggestions made to me and before I could move forward I had to go back and rebuild my shattered life.

Today my wife Tracey is my best friend and I love her to the core - without her I would have surely died!

Note:

To all the partners and families of survivors of childhood abuse, I thank you for the help and support you offer to the still suffering and it is you that are the ‘unsung heroes’. If you are a survivor whether disclosed or undisclosed I want to tell you that ‘you are never alone’.

As Tracey says ‘to see a grown man cry like a little boy and say he is sorry for something that is not his fault is the most heart wrenching thing a person can ever see’.

It is time for us all to put an end to the pain and destruction in some children’s lives, as this left uncorrected, leaves damaging affects.

Before we can do this however we have to educate society and that is the purpose of my books. Thirty five years ago I lay crying in my bed for me to be a good boy, ‘today I know I did nothing wrong’. The sad part about all of this is recent events show us that it is still continuing!

Stuart Howarth